so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've blown a few things in my day
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
