Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
