Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
