apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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