Jerry, you need to find god
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
