my mouth tastes like poor choices
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
