did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i already hear my dad disowning me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
