Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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