Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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