why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
