I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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