I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
