Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
