I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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