The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
