dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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