just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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