There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
