dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
