You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
