Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
