I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You are a genius and a whore.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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