dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
