Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
