My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I looked at my own cervix.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
