Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
