i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
