we have officially lost it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
