I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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