is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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