I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can text with my tongue
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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