my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
