Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
