are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
