and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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