Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
