dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
