how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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