I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
