You just made me feel so damn special
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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