We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
