Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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