I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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