I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize