There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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