I'm drive I can fine osifer
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
