after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
