All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize