At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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