i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
