even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
smell my finger.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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