If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
