Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
