Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
