3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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