they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you never un-have a 4some
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
