Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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