i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
