At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize