What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
