Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
