my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
