It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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