I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize