Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
