I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
