he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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