please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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