proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
