I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize