No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just had sex on a roof
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
