hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
