Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize