just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize