Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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