Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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