I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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