paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
