If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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