No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
