New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
