I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
