Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
