i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
