We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
