Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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