i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
