Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
