My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
