considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
