You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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