Non-Jews are for practice
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Randomize
