I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
FUCK WHALES
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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