A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
