It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
