I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
