Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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