No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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