He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
