I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
