Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
