I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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