I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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