you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize