I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
