Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
